“ I am sorry baby I hit you last night after drinking “ “ I am sorry I could not attend our anniversary dinner “ “ I am sorry I broke the TV last night after drinking “ “ I am sorry , I will stop drinking from tomorrow “
All this only to find oneself drinking or using in the next half an hour.
How many times has one gone to ask for forgiveness and has ended up arguing instead.
So many apologies but all falls flat ... the family listening to these frequent apologies lose trust finally.
However what one has to understand is that when using or drinking reaches a stage of addiction it is the alcohol or the substance that takes over and controls the person and not the other way around . Hence the person is helpless before the substance . It plays games with the mind .
Once the person comes into treatment voluntarily and deals with one’s issues in life and takes responsibility of one’s actions then he or she reaches a stage of not finding the need to use . He deals with a lot of guilt and remorse in treatment . He learns to forgive himself first and takes responsibility for his/ her actions under the influence and for whatever he put himself through in his life . He realises that , that was the person he “was” he is not that person now who was brash, rude , lying , unscrupulous.
Forgiveness of self is the most essential part of the journey towards self healing.
Then comes the part of making amends . Amends or asking forgiveness should be done only where it will not hurt or cause damage to the other .
Seeking forgiveness , again, does not depend on if the other person forgives one or not .. it is for oneself .
Holding on to grudges fills us with the poison of anger and resentment .. realising that the anger is Within us and only we are responsible for the pain it causes us , frees us from it and allows us to forgive .
Being able to detach oneself from the painful emotions through writing , meditations , sharing, enables one to deal with unresolved emotions and liberate oneself of suffering .. Buddha said “ Pain is inevitable , suffering is optional “ Forgiveness is liberation .
This is possible in a therapeutic environment that is voluntary , accepting and compassionate- where the person who is suffering from addiction learns to forgive oneself and heal .