The life of an individual suffering from addiction to any substance is filled with the drudgery of habit- of opening his eyes drinking /scoring to wake up, probably eat a few morsels or not and then get into the main business of the day of procuring the alcohol/substance then consuming it – alone or with friends. Every morning, by this stage, is psychological and physical torture, filled with remorse of the life one is leading, fear regarding one’s actions during blackouts, regret over undone things and an undone life, guilt over intoxicated actions and behaviours and self- damnation over all of the above. Physical tremors, intense restlessness, exists with all of the above which is assuaged immediately by the next consumption of the substance of choice.
The so-called “functional” addict manages to insert the semblance of a few hours of work into this daily regimen and routine of drinking/using till the individual passes out at night in a drunken stupor or stoned reverie. Life is lived from one peg to the next, one joint, one snort, one pill or one fix to the next. In this routine, so called loved ones, the spouse, children, parents, friends, co-workers, mates all are like a blur in the periphery of this circle of life that revolves around drinking /using. One’s own emotions are numbed out and others’ emotions, hurt and sorrow are not registered. Conversations, arguments, quarrels are blotted out like the static in a radio or an echo from afar.
In this blur of intoxication, unmanageablitites crop up in the face, in the form of health issues, work and financial drain and loss, significant relationships get frayed. All semblance of structure and functionality becomes bare minimal. The individual breaks down physically, mentally and spiritually ridden by the disease of addiction that affects all these areas.
In this situation the person suffering from addiction can admit that his/her life has become difficult to manage and maybe the substance use has been the cause of the same. Seeking help and admitting oneself voluntarily into a holistic residential program of rehabilitating one’s self becomes the first courageous step by the one enslaved by addiction .
Leaving something that had become the only crutch to navigate through life, till the “crutch” became a deadweight dragging the person down and entering the unknown realm of abstinence and sobriety and learning to live a life without the substance can be quite terrifying and daunting initially.
In the initial days, self-doubt and the inherent habit of ambivalence, coupled with the withdrawals one goes through due to stopping the substance of choice, might make one’s decision to come to a rehabilitation facility seem wrong. Detoxification medications help in tiding through the withdrawals and keeping the mind calm and anxiety at bay.
At this time, on interacting with and listening to the experiential counsellors in the facility, hope and inspiration is derived by the client. A possibility that if the counsellors could get beyond their life of substance use, so can they.
In a holistic centre, meditative and awareness practices are part of the program. Certain yoga asanas are incorporated into the daily activities that are designed to balance the imbalanced body mind of the individual suffering from addiction. These practices aid in reducing physical restlessness, slowing the thoughts, reducing the clutter, calming the person and making the person comfortable.
Add to it fun, games and activities, like going out for movies to the cinema hall, eating a meal in a restaurant etc. one realises slowly that one can have fun without alcohol and drugs too. The old associations wherein , the question was do I carry the booze into the theatre, do I smoke up before the show, will I get to smoke up in the interval , can I take swigs between the movie? On a trip, without thinking if one’s clothes, emergency meds are packed, what one ascertains is, do I have enough stock of alcohol or the substance of my choice ? When going for a meal or a function, will alcohol be served there? If not, the interest to go wanes. Life and fun used to revolve around the alcohol/drugs.
Having fun without alcohol/drugs seems strange at first but every experience then becomes entrenched that everything is more real without the alcohol/substance.
Introspective client specific writing turns focus on self. Blame shifts to assuming responsibility, self damnation shifts to remorse . A detachment develops between the emotions and the incidents they were attached to, thereby reducing the emotional impact of the incidents on the psyche.
There can be several emotional lows and breakdowns during the process of working on oneself. However, the journey of self-discovery for which one has to uncover and discover who one has been, to find out who one is, is as exciting and liberating as it might seem daunting initially.
Slowly the realisation becomes a reality in experience and in action that one does not need to drink or use any alcohol/drugs to enjoy a fulfilling productive life.
Thus a breakdown becomes a break-through!