For every person suffering from chemical dependency and addictions at least four people are affected. This is because the individual’s thoughts, words, deeds, and existence revolves around using - when, how, with whom, how much, etc. The loved one’s minds are preoccupied with the same... when, how, with whom, how much, etc. will the person be using - though the loved one might be at work, traveling, sleeping, eating, etc. The mental, emotional occupation with the obsession and the compulsion to find out about the chemically dependent person is increased much fold - exactly as what happens with the person who is using. Their lives revolve around the person using. This is Codependency.
They feel their lives have been destroyed or put on hold by the person who is addicted. Likewise, the person who is drinking/using says that they are doing so because of the attitude and behaviors of the family - would they be right? No! Then, the loved ones who experience pain, anger, resentments, fear, disgust, and a host of emotions and blame the user completely for their misery are also not right.
Read more: Questionnaire to Identify Signs of CodependencyThe person addicted to a substance is responsible for the consequences of the addiction and the ensuing behaviour and he is responsible for his recovery from it too.
Likewise, the loved ones are responsible for their emotions and the choices they have made in life. They are not responsible for the chemically dependent person’s using or his/ her not finding the need to use anymore.
However, for the Co-dependents to accept this is extremely difficult, as, in their eyes, the problem lies in the person who is drinking and using, not in them. They are right as a matter of relativity i.e. just because the person is using, he/ she is wrong. They fail to see in themselves, the need to control, the emotional dependency the obsession with the thought of a semblance of control in all other aspects of life when, in reality, they are not in control of anything, the resentment, the anger suppressed, the fear, the anxiety, the lack of confidence, the loss of dignity, etc. To accept that they are responsible for all of this is extremely difficult. If left untreated, their lives will continue to be miserable. The family becomes more dysfunctional.
The person suffering from addiction who undergoes a transformation as a result of treatment, gets back home and to life, and wants to take on responsibilities of work, business, children, the relationship. There is a lashing out, there is a non- acceptance of this new person who has been an absentee so, an absentee husband, an absentee father, an absentee businessman/employee who was stricken by the disease of chemical dependency... The individual is looked at with old eyes. I have known wives telling me that he was better of being drunk than this new man who wants to take over control over everything now. Where was he when I needed him to be a husband, a son, a father? There have been many divorces that have taken place after the person has been in recovery than when the person was in the throes of addiction.
Communication becomes dysfunctional and misunderstandings and arguments can arise .
Hence it is very essential that the loved ones of the one afflicted undergo codependency counseling themselves while the person addicted to the substances is undergoing residential treatment. This enables them to understand themselves better. During the course of residential treatment, the family is invited over to stay with the clients one member at a time .
Any family issues like between the husband and wife or parent and child can be brought on the table before the counselors and dealt with through communication. The ties with the family that was frayed are bridged and built up. Even after the individual completes treatment a follow-up is essential with the family and him/ her at their residence too if required after a month or so to smooth ties and facilitate better communication.
The Codependent also experiences during their therapy – meditations, writing, sharing, etc. to get to know themselves, reclaim their lives, take responsibility of themselves, and regain their lost dignity and confidence and individuality. The emotions become more realistic, one learns to detach with love.
Thus any therapeutic process should be individualized and cohesive. This happens when each individual has worked upon himself/herself. Only when there is a change within can change be recognized and understood in another individual. There can be a meeting on a common platform.
Managing Director and Counsellor
Primary Counsellor and Facilitator
Since 2003, he has been actively treating those afflicted and affected by chemical dependency using Meditation and Counseling as cornerstones of therapy.
Psychiatrist and Consultant
M.D(Psych) PhD.D.F.M
Dr. Jerajani is a consultant psychiatrist with a niche practice in Mumbai for the last three decades. He has worked in the field of Chemical Dependency ever since.
Administrative Director & Family Therapist
Management expert & counsellor
Vandana Hiranandani is an important part of the team of Anatta that helps organise Seminars, Workshops and Awareness Programs facilitated by Anatta Humanversity.
Director and Counsellor
B.H.M.S.,PG Hom.(Lon.)
A Bachelor in Homoeopathic Medical Science from Mumbai with a Post Graduation from The Hahnemann College of Homoeopathy – London.
Consultant Cardiologist, expert in Addiction management & HIV-AIDS care
Dr. M. Shashidhara Menon trained at the Armed Forces Medical College, Pune (1974) and Institute of Naval Medicine (Mumbai University), India, has done post doctoral Fellowship training in HIV Medicine and Biostatistics from the University of South Florida, USA
Experiential Counselor
MBA (Marketing)
Mr. Rajan Pillay's journey to sobriety, since 2001, serves as a profound inspiration for clients at Anatta. His pragmatic and resourceful approach goes beyond personal narratives, incorporating valuable insights from his corporate background.